"I believe the world is one big family, and we need to help each other." – Jet Li
“Asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It's one of the bravest things you can do. And it can save your life.” – Lily Collins
With my first baby, when I was exhausted and “in it,” I was just trying to survive. I didn’t ask for help because I seriously didn't think that asking for help was even an option. Once it was pointed out to me, and it had to be, I was able to accept help. But first I had to trust that the baby was safe so I could go out for diapers.
As a new parent for the first time I felt isolated, like I had to do it all on my own. It seemed that if I asked for help, then I wasn’t a good Mom.
Myth #4: It’s Not Okay to Ask for Help
Some new parents live with family or friends, while others may not have family in their lives, or they live too far away for them to help. Whatever your situation may be, it’s easier to survive those early months with support from people who care about you. I didn’t have family nearby, but I was lucky to have family and friends whom I knew cared.
One night late I called my Dad crying, “This is really hard! Is it ever going to get better?” He didn’t sugar-coat it, “It will get easier, but it will take time, and then it will feel like two steps forward, one step back.” I was disappointed that nothing was fixed, but it was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one who had felt this way. Why had it been so hard for me to make that call? During my pregnancy so many people had told me that I could contact them anytime. Why didn’t I reach out, and why don’t so many new parents take up friends and family on this offer? We might be embarrassed, too exhausted to think straight, or maybe we believe deep down that we should be able to do it on our own. In the West, where I live, there is a huge focus on independence and making your own way in the world. The message we get is, “You shouldn’t need help.” But it is normal to not know what to do sometimes. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, it means you are human (Wigglesworth, 2020).